Our Children and Families

Brendaliz’s Story

August 9, 2024 | Leave a reply

As dictated by the client and lightly edited.

I’ll be honest, I did not like therapy at first. I hated it. I didn’t want anybody in my business.

I also didn’t think my therapist would be on my side. That’s because the way I ended up at the [Jamaica Family Wellness] Center was because I had an ACS case open, and they recommended it to me. My husband was into drugs, we were losing our house, and I was smoking weed to deal with my problems. I thought ACS sent me to the Center so they could get evidence to take my kids away. I didn’t want to speak to [my therapist] Maricela because I thought she would use what I said against me. It took a while to open up to her. But little by little, I realized she wasn’t looking for a reason to take my kids away. She was there to help me and my family. She actually listened, and instead of looking at me negatively and judging me, she heard me, helped me, and made me realize that I could make changes in my life.

For example, I didn’t know that I had anxiety and depression. I had an idea but wasn’t really sure. Now that we know what it is, we can treat it. In addition to therapy, I take medications and have medication management appointments with the on-site nurse practitioner.

Maricela also helped me with a lot of practical problems I was having. My life was a mess. I didn’t have ID. I didn’t have my kids’ birth certificates. I didn’t know where to start. Maricela helped me with a lot of it. She helped me get my paperwork, my ID, and food stamps through Benefits Access. Maricela helped me with the paperwork because my reading isn’t that good. Sometimes I don’t understand what I’m reading, and Maricela would help me. She also introduced me to a group at the Center for people with addictions, and it helped me get off weed.

My motivation was my kids. I didn’t want to lose them. I always knew I had to do better, but I didn’t know how. I would smoke weed to deal with my past trauma and emotional issues. During treatment, I gained coping skills and techniques that have helped me manage my feelings and emotions in a healthy, positive way and make good choices. I started taking up drawing and coloring, which helps take me out of that “zone.” And Maricela is always there for me.

I have been in therapy for a few years, and I’m happy to say that my relationship with my kids is great now. Before, my depression was taking over. It was hard to attend to the kids while dealing with the issues I had, and I would just shut down. But with Maricela’s help, I learned to handle it. I try to be open with my kids so they will talk to me when they have a problem. When they do need me, I can be there for them. Instead of looking for reasons to take my kids away, Maricela was there to make sure I could be the best parent I could be.

Now that I’ve been in therapy for a while, I am ready to start working on my own goals so I can be the best I can be for myself, too. My goals include getting a house that I can pay for and going back to school for home decorating. I also want to improve my reading skills. I couldn’t focus on that when I had so much going on with my addiction and my kids, but now I’m ready.

I have a new way of thinking. I used to be really negative. I would look at myself like I couldn’t do anything right. I thought I wasn’t smart enough. I put myself down. Now I don’t see myself like that. I know I am capable of improving, and even though I’m older, I still can have goals and reach them. I may not be as smart as I want to be, but I am a smart woman and can try. Before, I didn’t even want to try. Now it’s different: I go out, I spend time with family, and I push myself. Before, I didn’t want to go to school. Now I can’t wait to go back. I am good at art, at decorating. My cousins and aunt who came to visit saw my artwork and said it looked so pretty and asked to have it. Now it’s hanging in their homes.

I have a totally different view of therapy than I did when I started. With a person who is not a part of your everyday life, you can put yourself out there a little bit more, and they won’t judge you. If you get a good counselor, it will help you change your family and your way of thinking. And changing that is what makes other changes possible.

La Historia de Aleides

July 31, 2024 | Leave a reply

Aleides con su hija, Jismerlyn. El Build-a-Bear en la caja que sostiene Jismerlyn fue un regalo de fin de año del programa extracurricular del Centro Infantil de Jismerlyn.

English Version

Cuando emigré a los Estados Unidos, pensé en un futuro mejor para mi hija, con mejor educación y oportunidades, algo de lo que carece mi país.

Mi hija Jismerlyn acaba de terminar el primer grado y participa en el programa extracurricular COMPASS del Child Center of NY en P.S. 56Q. Me gusta el programa COMPASS porque ha ayudado a las habilidades sociales de Jismerlyn, y la ayuda con las tareas que forma parte del programa la ha llevado a tener un buen desempeño en su educación. Además, puedo trabajar en paz sabiendo que mi hija está en un entorno seguro.

A Jismerlyn le encanta el programa porque puede estar con sus amigos y también aprender nuevas habilidades. Su desarrollo con la lectura es mejor que el año pasado, debido al programa de palabras a la vista. A Jismerlyn le encantan los libros, y la pillo leyendo en casa a menudo. La he visto crecer con su interacción diaria con sus compañeros y en casa. A Jismerlyn le encanta todo lo relacionado con el programa. Y me encanta que mis sueños para ella ya se estén haciendo realidad.

Aleides’s Story

Aleides with his daughter, Jismerlyn. The Build-a-Bear in the box Jismerlyn is holding was an end-of-year gift from Jismerlyn’s Child Center afterschool program.

When I immigrated to the United States, I thought of a better future for my child, with better education and opportunity, something that my country lacks.

My daughter Jismerlyn just finished first grade and is a participant in The Child Center of NY’s COMPASS afterschool program at P.S. 56Q. I like the COMPASS program because it has helped Jismerlyn’s social skills, and the homework help that is a part of the program has led to her doing well in her education. Also, I can work in peace knowing that my daughter is in a safe environment.

Jismerlyn loves the program because she can be with her friends and also learn new skills. Her development with reading is better than last year because of the sight word program. Jismerlyn loves books, and I catch her reading at home often. I have seen her growth with her daily interaction with her peers and at home. Jismerlyn loves everything about the program. And I love that my dreams for her are already becoming true.

Alejandro’s Story

July 18, 2024 | Leave a reply

Alejandro, a student at August Martin High School who was a WIOA participant and will be a freshman at Cooper Union, stands outside The Met to receive his St. Gaudens Medal.

Alejandro at The Met to receive his St. Gaudens Medal

When I was in middle school, my mother and I moved to the United States from Haiti. It was initially exciting to live in new places, but I also felt sadness due to missing my close family members back in Haiti. The COVID-19 pandemic made things more difficult, especially as a ninth grader at August Martin High School. I found it challenging to adapt to remote learning and didn’t feel like I could express my true personality.

In 10th grade, I discovered a passion for architecture through a Google quiz. I spent the entire summer researching and learning about architecture, which ultimately led me to make a firm decision to pursue a career in this field. Despite facing obstacles in my art classes, I was determined to pursue my goal.

In my 11^th grade year, I encountered some unexpected obstacles on my path to pursuing art. Despite the initial setbacks, I remained determined, which ultimately led to a remarkable opportunity. After showcasing my artwork to the art teacher, she offered me the chance to take AP Art, which was a level above what I had originally intended. Being the first student at my school to take AP Art in junior year was a proud accomplishment for me.

Also that year, I was exposed to two programs offered by The Child Center of NY at August Martin: Summer Youth Employment Program (SYEP) and WIOA. SYEP allowed me to spend the summer gaining professional skills and hands-on experience while working as an office assistant. It was a chance to learn various professional skills, enhancing my knowledge and capabilities. Additionally, I seized the opportunity to take a class at The Cooper Union over the summer, further expanding my skills and knowledge.

I was just months away from officially starting my senior year when the WIOA staff reached out to me with an opportunity to join the program. Upon hearing about the program offerings, which included earning college credits, gaining internship experience, receiving financial literacy support, and even earning a stipend, I eagerly signed up. I was motivated to prepare for my future career and college journey.

Ms. Roberta, the WIOA program case manager and college advisor, provided invaluable assistance with college applications and played a pivotal role in guiding me through the FAFSA process. Her support and mentorship helped me navigate through the complexities of the college admissions process, easing my worries and boosting my confidence, especially in preparing for my Cooper Union interview.

Participating in the workshops that WIOA offered opened up new learning opportunities for me. I gained insights into financial matters such as credit cards, loans, and credit scores. Additionally, the workshops focused on professionalism and proper work attire, equipping me with important life skills. Moreover, my involvement in the ambassador program at school, under the guidance of Mr. Herman [Fogah, assistant principal], helped me develop crucial leadership skills. The culmination of these experiences led to me being elected as the student leader and serving as the media co-president. These leadership roles further honed my abilities and instilled a sense of pride in being able to make a positive impact within the school community.

I know these skills will help me in college—which is where I will be in September. I am excited to report that I was admitted to Cooper Union, my dream school, with a full scholarship.

I am also proud to share that I recently received an art award from the School Art League at The Met. It’s called the Saint Gaudens Medal, and it’s awarded to seniors in New York City public high schools who have completed an art program with excellence.

As I begin a new chapter, I know I am fortunate to have had so many people support me on my journey. Ms. Roberta’s unwavering belief in me and her guidance and encouragement were instrumental in my success. Her assistance extended beyond academics, helping me navigate challenges related to mental health and self-advocacy. My mother, Alexandra Joseph, has been one of the greatest support systems in my life. She has been there for all my adventures and has seen me fall away and climb back up. Her encouragement has helped me push through. I am filled with gratitude for my mother, mentors, and the invaluable experiences that have shaped me into the person I am today.

La Historia de Lorena

June 4, 2024 | Leave a reply

Lorena and her family. The three children have all been students at Escalera Head Start.

De izquierda a derecha: Cándido (padre); Jennifer, de 7 años; Ximena, de 9 años; Lorena; Alexis, de 4 años. Lorena sostiene el certificado de premio de Alexis por juegos de rompecabezas.

English Version

“Tengo tres hijos que han sido estudiantes en Escalera Early Childhood. Mis hijas estuvieron en el programa hace un par de años. Mi hijo comenzó en Early Head Start de Escalera cuando tenía dos años y ahora está en la clase UPK. Comenzará el jardín de infantes en el otoño.

Todos mis hijos no son tan tímidos como antes. Mejoraron en el aprendizaje de la escritura, en el aprendizaje del abecedario y en la participación en todos los libros que leyeron.

Yo también mejoré como padre. Escalera me ayudó a hablar con mi hijo cuando estaba llorando, y pronto dejó de llorar. Me ayudaron a ayudar a mi hijo a compartir cosas, recoger el desorden, comer, vestirse, ir al baño y cruzar la calle cuando van al parque a divertirse, el equipo de Escalera me ayudó con todas estas cosas, me ayudó a ver cuánto podía ayudar a mis hijos a hacer.

Escalera ofrece muchas maneras de apoyarnos con la crianza de los hijos, y yo aproveché muchas de ellas. Estoy en el Comité de Padres, lo cual decidí hacer para poder retribuir al programa, organizar eventos y tener experiencia en un comité como este. Participé en las excursiones de la clase Health Bucks al mercado de agricultores, donde podía elegir frutas y verduras saludables para mi familia, y en las actividades del aula. Disfruté participando en las actividades de la clase ayudando a hacer las piñatas para cada una de las clases.

Una cosa que estoy muy contenta de haber hecho, fue asistir a ParentCorps, que Escalera ofrece en el centro. ParentCorps me ayudó a ser más paciente con mis hijos, a ayudarlos a controlar sus rabietas y su ira. Aprendes muchas maneras de criar a tu hijo de una manera diferente a cuando creciste.

¡Mis hijas están en 2º y 3º grado ahora y les va muy bien! El programa los preparó para el jardín de infantes, y ahora sé que mi hijo estará preparado y listo para hacerlo bien. Los maestros ayudan hablando mucho con los niños, haciéndoles saber que son adultos y que van a cambiar de escuela y de maestro. Ayudan a los niños a escribir su nombre, a saber los números y el abecedario, y a compartir cosas.

Escalera es una muy buena escuela, con buenos profesores que ayudan mucho a los niños. Son muy pacientes y no tienes que preocuparte de que te juzguen. Simplemente te ayudan a ser el mejor padre que puedes ser para tus hijos.”

Lorena’s Story

From left to right: Candido (dad); 7-year-old Jennifer; 9-year-old Ximena; Lorena; 4-year-old Alexis. Lorena is holding Alexis’ certificate of award for puzzle games.

“I have three children who have been students at Escalera Early Childhood. My daughters were in the program a couple of years ago. My son started in Escalera Early Head Start when he was two years old and now he is in the UPK [universal pre-kindergarten] class. He will be starting kindergarten in the fall.

All my children are not as shy as they were. They improved in learning to write, learning their ABCs, and participating in every book they read.

I improved as a parent too. Escalera helped me talk to my son when he was crying, and he soon stopped crying. They helped me to help my son share things, pick up clutter, eat, get dressed, go to the bathroom, and cross the street when they go to the park to enjoy themselves. The Escalera team helped me with all these things, helped me see how much I could help my children do.

Escalera offers many ways to support us with parenting, and I took advantage of many of them. I am on the Parent Committee, which I decided to do so I could give back to the program, organize events, and have experience being on a committee like this. I participated in Health Bucks class field trips to the farmer’s market, where I could choose healthy fruits and vegetables for my family, and in the classroom activities. I enjoyed participating in the class activities of helping to make the piñatas for each of the classes.

One thing I am really glad I did was attend ParentCorps, which Escalera offers at the center. ParentCorps helped me to be more patient with my children, to help them control their tantrums and their anger. You learn many ways to raise your child in a different way than when you grew up.

My daughters are in second and third grade now and doing so well! The program prepared them for kindergarten, and now I know my son will be prepared and ready to do well. The teachers help by talking to the children a lot, letting them know that they are grown up, and that they are going to change schools and teachers. They help the children write their name, know the numbers and ABCs, and share things.

Escalera is a very good school, with good teachers who help the children a lot. They are very patient and you don’t have to worry they will judge you. They just help you be the best parent you can be for your children.”

Jismerlyn’s Story

June 3, 2024 | Leave a reply

Jismerlyn is a first grader in The Child Center of NY’s COMPASS program at P.S. 56, in Richmond Hill, Queens. When Jismerlyn was in kindergarten, she was unable to read at grade level. She participated in our Literacy Leaders program. Now a first grader, Jismerlyn is reading above grade level and knows all 190 sight words. This is important because sight words provide the foundation for reading on grade level and keeps students on track toward reading proficiently by the end of third grade, which is an important predictor of academic success, high school graduation, and other long-term benefits. For more information, please read our “Literacy Leaders” blog post. We asked Jismerlyn about her experience in the sight word program. Here’s what she told us.

The Child Center of NY: What do you like about the sight word program?

Jismerlyn: What I like about sight words are all the new words that I am learning! It’s good for me, and if I read a lot of books, it helps me be better at reading.

What is your favorite sight word game?

I like to play the word match game. It’s so fun, and I like it! It’s fun when you get a match.

What do you think you might want to be when you grow up?

A doctor because if somebody is sick, they can be better.

Do you have a favorite book?

The Very Hungry Caterpillar by Eric Carle

Eudora’s Story

February 27, 2024 | Leave a reply

Eudora is a participant of The Child Center of NY’s Cash+Community Works (C+C), a groundbreaking neighborhood-based initiative that invests in under-resourced families, trusts them with power, and connects them with peers so they all can rise together. C+C works on the premise that families are the experts on what they need to achieve their goals, and our job is to act as investors, advocates, and partners.

At The Child Center’s 70th anniversary gala, Eudora spoke powerfully about her experience as a promising entrepreneur. Watch the above clip to see how she was able to start a marketable business through C+C—and pay it forward.

Hilaria’s Story

November 30, 2023 | Leave a reply

Like most parents, Hilaria would do anything for her child. She wanted her son, now 3, to be able to go as far as his abilities could take him—but, being in a new country, not speaking the language, she didn’t know how or where to start. Navigating the education system was daunting, and she didn’t understand what she was expected to do.

Thankfully, friends and family referred her to The Child Center of NY’s Early Head Start Corona program. Here, she is getting the bright start she wanted for her son. Like all Child Center families, she’s also getting so much more, including support for herself so she can pursue her own goals—which, in turn, increases her ability to raise her son so he can thrive.

Here is Hilaria’s story in her own words, in her native language.

English version

“Desde que nació mi hijo, quise lo mejor para él. Pero es difícil darle a su hijo lo que necesita cuando no se sabe lo que es. Esta fue la situación en la que me encontré cuando emigré a este pais. Nuestra vida familiar no era la mejor, y yo no sabía nada sobre el sistema educativo. Estoy muy contenta de haber encontrado The Child Center. La gente de allí me ayudó con todas estas cosas.

The Child Center ha sido especialmente útil para mí en mi papel como padre. Gracias a los servicios de visitas domiciliarias, he aprendido a ser una madre cariñosa.

“I encouraged Hilaria to get mental health services. At first, she didn’t know what that was. I explained to her the process and benefits. She was comfortable with me because she and her son were in ParentChild+, where I was their home visitor. They received toys and books every week. The age-appropriate activities and the guidance I offered helped her interact better with her son and build a relationship with him. These activities are preparing him for 3K. Hilaria is always engaged as a parent, no matter the challenges.”
—Judith Leon
Home Visitor

Ahora entiendo la importancia de compartir más tiempo con mi hijo y hacer actividades juntos. Este programa le ha enseñado a mi hijo los números del 1 al 10, los colores y las letras. Mi hijo listo para comenzar el programa 3-K [programa preescolar para niños de 3 años], y me siento orgullosa de saber que ya sabe algunas de las cosas que aprenderá en la escuela. Todos los servicios que este programa le ha brindado a mi hijo han sido útiles para su educación futura.

Espero aprender más sobre su educación. Como padre, tengo algunas metas para él, como ponerlo en una escuela de música y programas deportivos. También tengo metas para mí. Ahora que mi hijo asiste a la escuela, tendré más tiempo para lograrlos. Recientemente he logrado mi objetivo de encontrar empleo. Estoy vendiendo comida preparada por mi. En el futuro, me gustaría tomar clases de GED y ESL.

Estoy muy contenta de que la gente me haya referido al Centro Infantil. Si alguien acude a mí con preguntas sobre la educación de su hijo, al igual que yo acudí a las personas en mi vida en busca de consejo y orientación, les diria que no lo piensen dos veces ya que en este programa sus hijos comenzarán a aprender a una edad temprana y estarán listos para la escuela cuando cumplan tres años. Además, nosotros, como padres, aprenderemos sobre las áreas de desarrollo, cómo establecer metas y cómo crear rutinas; esto se enseña en un grupo llamado Grupo de Socialización que ofrece este programa.

“Most families who experience what this family experienced are hesitant to open up. This family was a bit difficult to connect with, and to ensure they understood the dynamics and purpose of therapy. Still, finally, we were able to offer therapy for the mom and child. During the process, I offered the mom emotional support, as well as connections like Safe Horizon for support groups and services like SNAP benefits [food stamps]. I reminded her of appointments and checked in with her about changes so I could collaborate with her for a solution.”
–Maria Leal, Parent Peer Advocate, 0-3 Early Childhood Mental Health Initiative

Recomiendo este programa a las familias que tienen niños menores de tres años porque los servicios que brindan son únicos en la comunidad. Los programas de calidad para la primera infancia para niños menores de 3 años son difíciles de encontrar en mi área. Agradezco que las personas que trabajan en Early Head Start dThe Child Center entienden y hablen mi idioma. Y aunque no sabía esto cuando inscribí a mi hijo, The Child Center ofrece muchos más servicios de los que usted busca, y eso es realmente único y útil más allá de toda medida.”

The Child Center of NY: One-Stop Shop

At The Child Center, we understand that serving the whole child, family, and community is integral to serving children. But when you live below the poverty line, seemingly small things, like taking time off from work and traveling to multiple sites for services in a language you don’t understand, are huge barriers to care. That’s why we put our understanding into practice by serving multiple needs under one roof, right in the neighborhoods where our clients live.

Here’s how it worked for Hilaria. Click on the blue links for quotes from the team members who assisted Hilaria and orange links for program information.

Early Head Start
Mental health services, through a grant from the Child Welfare Fund
Domestic violence support through a DOVE grant from Council Member Tiffany Cabán
ParentChild+
Necessities like shoes and food through our partnerships with Soles4Soles and NY Common Pantry
Cool Culture Card to connect families to museums and other culturally enriching activities
Health consults and support, including breastfeeding guidance with our nurse practitioner; workshops through our partnership with Northwell Health; and nutrition consultation
Compassionate and knowledgeable guidance navigating services for her son’s disability

“As a family worker, I am here for families to connect them to whatever they need, and they come to trust my guidance even about difficult things. For this family, I assisted Hilaria in providing information about the benefits of Early Intervention services. I talked to her about the evaluation process so it would be less scary and she knew what to expect. Hilaria was initially scared to have her son evaluated due to misinformation from other people, but the information helped her continue with the evaluation process without any fear of the results. 

Throughout the years, I have noticed big progress in their lives. Language was sometimes a barrier to services for Hilaria, so I assisted her with translation when she needed it. Her English improved by being around people who speak the language and from her son’s home visitor, who provided activities in English too. She has more knowledge about her son’s education; and she has a wonderful mindset, always looking for information that can benefit both of them in the future.

Now Hilaria’s son is ready for 3-K. I assisted her with registering for a program closer to where they live. Hilaria was new to the Department of Education website, and I helped her navigate it so that now she is comfortable with the system. Hilaria has gained a new confidence by acquiring these skills and knowledge. The skills, the knowledge, and especially her confidence will benefit her son throughout his academic journey. They are well on their way!”

— Sandra Quizhpi, Family Worker

“As an Early Head Start Mental Health Consultant, I supported Hilaria to obtain therapy. I also supported Judith in identifying and discussing goals and strategies to support this family.”
–Rosana Hernandez, MS, BC-DMT, L-CAT, Perinatal & Infant Mental Health Consultant

“Hilaria and her son began therapy after ACS’s child protective services became involved with the family. They maintained a consistent space in therapy to discuss the difficulties of having child protective services involved, as well as to process the event that led to their being involved. Hilaria was able to work on her communication skills with her partner to improve the dynamic in the home. She also began processing her own trauma history and how it impacted her parenting skills. Due to her trauma history, mom developed awareness about the lack of trust she had for others especially when it involved client (i.e., someone taking care of client when she was unable to). Overall, the family was able to work on their dynamic, as well as Hilaria’s being able to be receptive to her son’s needs—a crucial part of parenting.”
–Arielis Rosales, MHC-LP, 0-3 Trauma Therapist, Early Childhood 0-3 Trauma Program

“Since my son was born, I wanted what was best for him. But it is hard to give your child what he needs when you don’t know what that is. That’s the situation I found myself in when I immigrated here. Our home life was not the best, and I didn’t know anything about the education system. I am so glad I found The Child Center. The people there helped me with all these things.

The Child Center has been especially helpful to me in my role as a parent. Because of the home visiting services, I have learned how to be a caring mom. Now I understand the importance of sharing more time with my son and doing activities together. This program has taught my son the numbers 1-10, the colors, and letters. He is ready to start the 3-K program [preschool program for 3-year-olds], and I feel proud knowing that he already knows some of the things that he will be learning at school. All the services that this program has provided to my son have been helpful for his future education.

I look forward to learning more about his education. As a parent, I have some goals for him, such as putting him in a music school and athletic programs. I also have goals that I would like to achieve for myself. Now that my son is attending school, I will have more time to achieve them. I recently have achieved my goal of finding employment. I am now selling food that I make. In the future, I would like to take GED and ESL classes.

I am so glad people referred me to The Child Center. If someone comes to me with questions about their child’s education—just like I went to the people in my life for advice and guidance—I would let them know not to think twice about this program because their children will start to learn at an early age and be school-ready when they turn three years old. Also, we as the parents will learn about developmental areas, how to set up goals and how to create routines; this is taught in a group called “Socialization Group” that this program offers. I recommend this program to families that have children under three years old because the services provided by them are unique in the community. Quality early childhood programs for children under 3 are hard to find in my area. And I appreciate that The Child Center’s Early Head Start is staffed by people who understand me and speak my language. And though I didn’t know this when I enrolled my son, The Child Center offers so many more services than you go in for—and that is really unique and helpful beyond measure.”

Eli’s Story

September 13, 2023 | Leave a reply

Eli, a client of the Cohen Family Wellness Center Youth Intensive Outpatient Program, with his cousin's dog, Leon.

Animals are just one of the things Eli loves in his life. Here he is with his cousin’s dog, Leon. “He’s just a pup (though he is huge),” Eli says. “I love him sooooo much.”

Hello! My name is Elijah, but people mostly know me as Eli.

Three years ago, in mid-December, I decided to try and take my own life. I was about 12 years old, not knowing anything but the harsh feelings I was feeling. Before I was hospitalized, I never had any encounters with therapists, psychologists, etc. I didn’t believe anyone would ever be able to help me; I truly believed life was not meant for me. Meeting countless licensed strangers, one after another, didn’t feel right for me, and every single one of them proved and heightened my belief. I have a hard time opening up, even now.

The next step was supposed to be the first step, but since I was in such a severe situation, therapy only started taking its first step after I found the right therapist. It doesn’t mean all of the other people weren’t good at their job, it just meant they weren’t right for me and the person I am. After a few trials and errors, I finally found someone I still believe is right and suited for me.

I never had the decision to even think of what I wanted to do with myself—if I even wanted to get better. After just a few sessions with my new therapist, I finally realized how deep in the hole I really was, how horrible the feelings I was feeling really were—and that I did want to get better. I didn’t want to feel the way I was feeling anymore. I was so accustomed to my own thoughts because I’d been living with them day by day. I thought I knew what life really was. Looking back, I was just a very afraid and vulnerable kid, and I still am, but I want to share my vulnerability today.

Accepting is the first step to growth. I accepted where I was at that point, and I was trying my best, with the help of my loved ones, to become a better version of myself. Maybe even the best. I didn’t even notice my change until my therapist pointed out how I was a lot more interactive in the conversations I had with her, much more in the moment and engaged. I was interested in others and learning to be interested in myself. Being here, in this world, didn’t seem as bad as I first thought it to be. It wasn’t anything big, I didn’t feel like I won the lottery, but it felt nice to walk to the park with my little sister, it felt nice to open doors for others as we smiled at each other, and it felt nice to share meals with my family, knowing how much work my mother put into each one. I started noticing the smallest things, which made living life feel nice. I realized my big feelings weren’t as big as I thought and started having faith in my future, not just for the long run, but for tomorrow. Life moved on. I started to do the same.

Therapy taught me a lot of things, especially the way I interact with myself and my mind. If I ever have the slightest thought of something negative regarding myself, my immediate reaction now is to ask myself why. Therapy also made me realize how others in my life were also struggling, maybe not as severely, but they were still struggling. Before I would barely speak to my parents; now I try to stay near them as much as possible … not always talking but having our presence within a close distance was enough. I have learned many ways to calm myself down during an episode or whenever I am having a rough time. It has also taught me patience for myself, and to not judge myself, like how I wouldn’t for others … admiring the simpler things and living in the present.

More importantly, I have learned that healing has no destination. For the short term, I would like to pass all of my classes and maybe even make a few close friends this school year. Right now, my only goal long term is to get into a good university and be able to provide for myself and my family. I feel more hopeful for my future.

Thank you, Diana, for letting me experience life as it is.

Response from Eli’s therapist, Diana Michelena, Program Coordinator, Youth Intensive Outpatient Program (Youth IOP), Cohen Family Wellness Center:

I’m so glad Eli decided to write his story—to inspire others, and so that he can see for himself his incredible gifts, strengths, and potential.

Eli is a 15-year-old transgender boy who initially presented with severe depression symptoms. He was reporting severe low mood, lack of motivation, urge to self-harm, multiple hospitalizations, and suicide attempts. Additionally, he struggled in school, refusing to attend for months. It is heartbreaking to see a young person in such distress, with them not knowing how special and unique they are. They don’t know it can be better, and I am so grateful it is my job to get them there.

Eli attended our Youth IOP, participating in multiple individual sessions a week. His mother also attended sessions, and we worked together to determine ways she could best support Eli. Family involvement makes such a difference, and the vast majority of families want to do right by their children and will do so, given the tools and chance.

The family also collaborated to support Eli’s academic concerns. We connected them to a school that specializes in students with emotional needs. Throughout the program, Eli made outstanding progress, and today he is a thriving graduate of the school and returned to public school this year. He has been able to connect to staff and students, reported finding joy in little things again, and has been making great effort to engage in the community around him. He reports that he hasn’t had suicidal thoughts in months. Most remarkably, Eli has just ended his Summer Youth Employment Program, which I know he is rightly proud of. I have no doubt that Eli will continue to make himself proud. He has come so far, after facing so many challenges. He is full of a promise he is now poised to realize, and I can’t wait to watch him soar.

Editor’s Note: If you are actively suicidal, go to your nearest emergency room or call 911. For anyone who is experiencing suicidal thoughts, help is available.

988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: https://988lifeline.org/
The Child Center of NY wellness centers: 718-358-8288
Additional resources: Speaking of Suicide

Danny’s Story

June 27, 2023 | Leave a reply

Danny is a talented, hardworking young man who mentors youth in his community and enjoys practicing martial arts. One day while walking home from school, he was at the wrong place at the wrong time and was involved in a tragic incident. As a result, Danny got caught up in the justice system through no fault of his own. Part of his court mandate was going to therapy, which he got at our Residential Treatment Facility and Cohen Family Wellness Center. Now he pays it forward by serving as an advocate for himself and other young people. Danny was a featured speaker at The Child Center of NY’s 70th anniversary gala. Below are his prepared remarks. You also can watch the video above to hear him tell his story at the gala.

Hello, everyone. Tonight, I am here as an advocate. The Child Center invests in young people and their families, and they supported me when I needed it. The Child Center provided me with a great outlet. I did therapy for two years with a counselor who really helped me. I have experienced several challenges and I wouldn’t be where I am today without that support. I will share my story to show you that when you invest in young people, you help them live healthy, fulfilling lives. Young people can be positive influences on other young people and be change agents in their communities. I am living proof of that. I have a much longer story to tell, but I will make it brief for you.

I have a brother who struggles with mental disorder and it made my home life very difficult. He’s been in psychiatric facilities since he was little, and he missed out on his childhood. He is impulsive and has violent tendencies, so I was always in survival mode. I pressured myself to protect my baby brother from our older brother. I worried about his safety. My mother is a single mother, and I did everything for my baby brother while she was at work.

The situation at home made me depressed and I was having trouble in school. I used to be a good student, but I was skipping classes and it was really out of character. Things were really rocky.

When I was sixteen years old, there was an incident where I was stabbed while walking home and it was a case of mistaken identity. I study martial arts and I defended myself. Unfortunately, the other person ended up partially paralyzed. And because both of our fingerprints were on the knife, we were both charged with attempted murder. This incident occurred at the height of the pandemic. And because of COVID regulations, my case moved slowly, the court date was delayed, and I was held in a detention center for over 8 months.

My family usually doesn’t show their emotions. But the day I was sentenced, I saw my family express their emotions for the first time and cry. I felt horrible.

Luckily, the house across the street had surveillance cameras and video was able to show everything that happened. My innocence was proven. The court expunged the case.

But the judge determined that because of the injuries inflicted on the other person were so severe, I used excessive force. She recommended that as part of my probation, I go to the Child Center’s Residential Treatment Facility, which also houses justice-involved youth. Part of the court mandate was that I go to therapy.

Therapy was a lifeline for me. After that whole experience, I have made big changes in my life. I made an effort to stay away from negative influences. I learned who I could trust and lost a lot of friends in the process. I moved out of the city and dedicated myself to becoming better. It’s gotten better. Through therapy, I’ve explored parts of myself I didn’t even know I had. I used to live in the past and I lost myself. I’ve learned to think ahead now.

I’m studying to get my real estate license and am an assistant manager at a retail store located near a middle school. The kids I see every day who come into my store, I can relate to them, I give them advice. Mentoring comes naturally to me. I was also a martial arts instructor. I used to visit schools and teach kids self-defense. I enjoyed this very much and plan to continue mentoring kids in the future.

I also visit my little brother and take him out, do fun things together because he should enjoy a normal childhood. My therapist taught me that it’s not about the time, it’s about the quality of the time you spend with someone. My little brother is six years old now, and he still calls me “Dad’ to this day because he sees me as a Dad. I’ve been a consistent – and the only – father figure in his life.

The Child Center showed me how to cope, distract myself from negative thoughts and identify what is going on. I can pursue a more normal life now. My coping skills, being able to identify problems, have helped me. Through my mental health counseling, I look at everything now with a different lens. When I look at friends, I ask, what baggage do I carry, what baggage do they carry? How can we help each other?

All the things I’ve learned at The Child Center enable me to pursue my dreams. I can work on my goals, be there for my family and have the tools to overcome challenges.

Like I said in the beginning, I am here as an advocate to tell my story and shed light on what’s happening with our youth. I am here as a testament. Our work here as a community is imperative to youth, especially those who’ve been given a bad hand, through no fault of their own. This is the way to lift each other up and build a brighter future, together. Thank you.