Our Children and Families

Tristan’s Story

March 11, 2019 | Leave a reply

I struggle with math in school, and Mr. Hunter at the Redfern Cornerstone Community Center, where I go after school, helps me better understand my math problems. Mr. Hunter also helps me with focus, motivation, and becoming organized. He was able to explain things better for me to understand.

Before I started getting help at the center, I received a bad report card and was very disappointed. The staff in the center helped me understand the work and on the next report card not to fail and not to give up. Now I’m doing much better. I wish we had robotics here, but Mr. Hunter still teaches about history, science, money, and internet safety.

We don’t have much to do in Far Rockaway, and I come to the center to have fun plus see my friends. I like everything about the center! I like the computer lab, playing basketball games, dancing, and the staff. I don’t have a best part because I like everything. When the center was shut down, I did not have a place to go, so I stayed home with my grandmother after school.

I want to be a basketball player, wrestler, or scientist when I grow up. That’s why I like the science projects and goal-setting projects we do in Steps to Success at the center and the basketball games we go to.

The center is the place where you can be with your friends and call them family.

Kesha’s Story

February 1, 2019 | 2 Replies

Kesha when she was a student participant at The Child Center’s Parsons Beacon and in TIPP (Teen Impact Prevention Program)

I started with The Child Center of NY Parsons Beacon as a participant at the age of 11, in 1999. I knew about the program because my older brother attended Parsons Junior High School and was enrolled in the program.

I attended Parsons Junior High School from September 1999 until June 2002. I also continued to be a participant and was able to be involved in many things. Because of the willingness of Deepmalya (the program director at the time) to create a relationship with my very strict mother, I was able to partake in talent shows where I danced with groups of friends.

I was a part of the Parsons Beacon step team, and we were afforded the opportunity to travel the tri-state area and perform in competitions and showcases. We also were invited to step at Deep’s wedding! I had the honor of being a part of the first TIPP group (Teen Impact Prevention Program) ever, which was led by Amanda Etienne at the time. We were a group of preteens/teens who went out to high schools and teen conferences to put on skits and hold town hall discussions regarding HIV/AIDS and STD prevention. I was a part of this for several years, and it overlapped with my official hire as SYEP [Summer Youth Employment Program] in 2004.

I worked as a junior group leader at Basie Beacon M.S. 72 which led to me wearing several hats at that site for about five years. I made ID cards for new applicants and made replacements for those who have lost their ID card; helped with office tasks; took on the roles of senior group leader, recreational coordinator (orchestrated the tournaments, sign in, and set up of gym and activities), and basketball coach for our middle school boys’ team; and was still involved with TIPP.

Around 2008, I began to work at P.S. 223 OST [Out-of-School Time] as a group leader. The following year, I requested to become a specialist (Step specialist), where I had to demo a lesson and articulate why the participants of P.S. 223 would benefit.

Kesha speaking at a Child Center board meeting

I was a step specialist with them for the next three years and ran a video journalism club in 2011. I then left P.S. 223 and the organization in December 2012 to pursue other opportunities within the filed of Youth Development. In 2017 I applied for a program director position and I came back “home” to The Child Center in February of 2018.

I always tell everyone I was raised by afterschool programs and this is why. This organization has supported my growth from a preteen into adulthood.

If it wasn’t for Deep and his determination to keep me in the program during those times my mom wanted to take me out, I would have not learned my true passion in life, which is helping inner-city youth like me experience things I would have never been able to experience outside of the program.

Jiaxin’s Story

December 26, 2018 | 1 Reply

I came to The Child Center of NY when I was 14. Five years later, I’ve come a long way to be where I am now, talking about my journey and my healing through therapy. Some of it is hard to talk about, and some of it I have a hard time remembering, as a symptom of my post-traumatic stress disorder. It’s difficult to look back to the memories I do have, because I’ve matured a lot and have become a very different person. I can hardly imagine being the girl I was back then.

I started therapy at The Child Center’s Flushing Clinic as a result of a referral from my school. I felt lonely and empty. Everybody I knew called me weird, and I had no friends. To some, I may have just seemed edgy, but I had been suicidal and imagined different ways to kill myself. Now those feelings seem impossible. The helplessness I felt at the time seems so far away when I look back, as if I had dreamed it up.

My mother is a Chinese immigrant, and my father is a Hispanic American. When I was six, my mother left him due to the physical and emotional abuse she, my brother, and I had been subject to. We moved from shelter to shelter, and I transferred from school to school, where I was ridiculed and bullied by my classmates. At home, I resented my mother for her favoritism of my older brother. In Chinese families, the first-born son is always the favorite, and the women always come second. It was hard to connect to my mother anyway; we had different ideals. I was a self-described “daddy’s girl” at the time, and I idolized my father and thought that he was the only one who really understood me. But he had never been financially responsible or emotionally available for my needs. I was enmeshed in multilayered ethnic and cultural conflicts, value systems, and moral confusion. I trusted no one and did not identify with my peers. I didn’t even relate to my family.

Then I met my therapist who, through talking and sharing my thoughts, I created a bond of trust with. She was also a bridge that connected my mother and me, as she was Chinese and could understand the more traditional values of being Chinese. She helped me reconcile some aspects of being a Chinese American. Suddenly I didn’t feel so left out, especially as someone who wasn’t fully Chinese. I developed a sense of hope through her acceptance of who I was and was getting better.

However, the road to becoming stronger than my depression or anxiety was far from over. My paternal aunts denied my mental illness and tried to violently exorcise me. It is one of the darkest moments in my life, and to this day it still affects me. I had my physical and emotional control ripped from my hands, and my support cut off completely. I attempted suicide twice. I worked through the challenges I faced in the aftermath with my therapist — the nightmares and all, and through that I became stronger than what I felt. I cut contact completely with my paternal family, and I started to heal. Wounds became scabs, became scars.

But my story doesn’t end there. Even though I was improving every step of the way — my grades were up, I was volunteering and working in summer, and I was even applying to college — I had also been slowly piecing together, through journaling and voice recording, some scattered traumatic memories. And even though I still doubt it sometimes, there is undeniable evidence that my father sexually molested and abused me in some way when I was a child. I will probably never know what happened in detail, nor do I ever want to. But it was truly a milestone revelation. I experienced a therapeutic catharsis through finding and talking about it, but I would have never gotten this far without the trust I had in my therapist. I would have never verbalized the doubts and fears I had otherwise. And without her support through the aftermath, knowing that she would be there if I felt depressed, I don’t know how I would have coped.

As I worked through my feelings and emotions, I began to change my outfit and diet, and soon I began looking like your average teenager. I started to focus on better things in life, things that I had always loved, like animals. I started meeting new friends, I came closer to terms with the multicultural conflict in my life, and I even grew out of my brother’s shadow. Soon I graduated high school and started my first year at Hunter College. Currently I am in my second year of college, majoring in psychology with a concentration in animal behavior. I’ve made so many new friends, and I’m excited to see what life has in store for me.

Justin’s Story

December 3, 2018 | Leave a reply

Hello, my name is Justin, and I’m 18 years old. I graduated from August Martin High School and now attend college at West Virginia University Potomac State College.

The beginning of high school was a difficult time for me. There were things at home I couldn’t control. My family was living in a shelter and struggling financially—and I was struggling with my schoolwork. I needed something to get me on the right track. I joined the WIOA program so that I could get a summer job and earn stipends. Then I could use the money to help pay for bills and expenses to help my family out and find a more stable living situation.

It turned out that WIOA was the best program I ever attended throughout my high school years. One of my struggles was balancing my classwork and social life. I loved basketball and all I wanted to do was play the game and work out. Basketball was an escape for me. However, Mr. Eric, Ms. Michelle, and Mr. Maurice showed me that I had to look not just at escaping. They showed me that basketball gave me opportunities to do more than just play a sport and how to use the sport as a tool—to open up doors with people and how to be professional when I was talking. I liked that they didn’t downplay the importance of basketball in my life, but instead showed me how I could use it for more than just an escape. It got me thinking about the importance of networking with people and how I could use my strengths and experiences to better my life.

The same thing happened with the summer job I got through WIOA, working at Walgreens. I was able to apply the concepts I learned with basketball to my job and learn so much more than how to operate a register, and earn more than the dollars I was paid. I acquired a strong work ethic and became skilled at and comfortable with interacting with others in a professional way. WIOA really emphasized knowing what you’re doing and why, and that helped me make the most of my job, basketball, and school.

At school, I was struggling with my Regents exams, the college application process, and with my education in general, because no one in my family earned beyond a high school diploma, and I didn’t really know about college or have a strong support system. But WIOA became that support system. Mr. Eric helped me understand why college was important and what I needed to do in order to get there. The staff helped me get ready for college and become more focused, and they helped me with applications and financial aid. I applied early and got into West Virginia University and received enough financial aid to make it possible for me to go.

WIOA also stresses helping in the community. One of the best service learning projects I did was when we partnered with Friends of Rockaway and helped with Hurricane Sandy relief. We went out over several weeks and helped with the rebuilding of someone’s home. We were also able to go out to the community to see if others were hit by the storm, too. This was very impactful for me because I got to know my director, Mr. Eric, so much better and understand how he is in the position and the job he’s in now but wasn’t always. He struggled similar to how I have been struggling but still made it in life. It made me believe that I can, too, and can give back to my community and make it better—the way other people have worked to make it better for me.

I participated in WIOA for two full years before graduating high school and starting college this fall. I hope going to college and earning a degree will open doors and opportunities for me and my family.

I’m still in my first year so I’m not exactly sure what I want to do, but I’m looking at sports management and political science. I feel so lucky to have these options.

One of the best things I got out of WIOA was that it shaped my values and made me more aware of what I’m doing and why. I used to never reflect on why I was doing something and how it played a role in my larger goals. I didn’t really think about the purpose. Now thinking about those things is second nature to me.

Life without WIOA — I can’t really picture that because they helped me so much to get where I am today. If I didn’t become a part of WIOA, I would not have had the skills or the resources I needed to go to college. Being out of state is the best thing that ever happened to me. Getting to know new things and develop relationships and network with different people was a great thing, too.

This is my story of being a student of WIOA. It’s still helping me.

Jessica’s Story

July 30, 2018 | Leave a reply

Jessica and her youngest child, Yadiel, at Early Head Start

I had my first child when I was 18 years old. I was living with my parents. It was a bad situation from the start, but it was after the birth of my second son, Anthony, that my parents really gave me their back. I took my kids and moved out of the house.

I got married and had two more kids — my daughter Marie and my son Yadiel — but my husband left me soon after Yadiel’s birth. He was born at 25 weeks and needed surgery when he was just a year old, and it turned out Marie needed early intervention services for physical therapy.

I contacted The Child Center because I was trying to get a little bit of help. I was thinking I needed help getting to appointments and things like that. But the kind of help I ended up getting was very different — and very good for all of us.

I met with a woman named Maria and was surprised to be meeting at a school. Only my oldest was in school, in kindergarten. I never thought to put my kids in school earlier than that. Maria told me that I could send my three-year-old, Anthony, to Early Head Start, but I didn’t want to. So Maria said they could send a teacher to my home. I started to like it. I saw that Anthony was learning more and more. I decided to send him to the center to learn with the other children, and I started my daughter there when she was two and a half. It made such a difference! With my oldest, who never went to preschool, it was hard for him in kindergarten. He had trouble learning, counting, being with other kids. He wouldn’t talk to the other children.

I thought at first that two and a half was young to start school, but when I saw my daughter in the classroom, I knew I made the right decision. I saw her talking a lot, sharing, and getting along with other kids. She was learning so much. I know she will not have a problem when she gets to kindergarten. Now my son Anthony is at The Child Center’s Head Start/EarlyLearn in Corona, and he had a rougher start, but he is doing great now, too.

Being a part of The Child Center was good not only for my kids, but also for me. I don’t like to talk about myself, but the teachers at Corona give me so much support. They ask what’s going on and help me with parenting. When Anthony was tantrumming a lot, they showed me how to give him a time-out so he can calm himself down and we can work it out.

At Early Head Start, the family service manager, Stephanie, runs a group called Personal Best to help with parenting and building a social network for the parents. I got to hear other moms’ stories, and I was surprised when some moms said my story gave them motivation. We talked about how we were raised, and how we can do differently. In my house growing up, there was a lot of slapping. Through the group, I learned even though I did not have the ideal childhood, my mother still loves me; and I have the power to break any parenting cycles that I do not want to continue. I learned how to be patient and work out conflicts. I know I was able to become a better parent and person because of this group. I feel happy — like I learned how to be a mom.

Popy’s Story

December 21, 2017 | Leave a reply

The Child Center of NY is a blessing from God to me and my family.

As a parent, I always wanted the best school and education for my child, and I quickly learned that the best place to get it was at The Child Center. Continue reading →

Meet Our First Vivian E. Cook Scholarship Honoree!

September 25, 2017 | Leave a reply

Q&A with Latoya Mann, graduate of August Martin High School

Scholarship recipient Latoya Mann with Assemblywoman Vivian Cook

At The Child Center of NY, one of our firmest beliefs is that intelligence and drive are evenly distributed among zip codes. Unfortunately, opportunity isn’t always. That’s why we’ve been hard at work at August Martin High School, in one of the most underserved communities in the city. In the past few years, we’ve helped increase the graduation rate by nearly 40 percent — from just 24 percent to more than 60 percent — and are ensuring promising students not only can see themselves at college, but also can overcome the practical hurdles (like the steep price tag) to getting there. Continue reading →

LS’ Story

September 1, 2017 | Leave a reply

When you’re a single mother, small challenges can get magnified – and big challenges can push you over the edge if you don’t have the right support.

I was facing enormous challenges last year. I had escaped a domestic violence situation with my three kids, and we were on our own in a new place. My eighteen-month-old daughter, Lulu, wasn’t verbalizing, and she was tantrumming an extreme amount.

Early Intervention came to do an assessment and told me Lulu had selective mutism, meaning she was opting out of talking, and I should wait until she was 3 before doing anything. I wasn’t satisfied with that.

Thankfully, I had met Telva Rivera, from The Child Center’s Parent-Child Home Program, at a P.S. 111 fair of local CBOs [community-based organizations]. Telva had spoken about how PCHP works with families: a trained professional comes into the home with books and toys and provides guidance on supporting your child’s development. I said, ‘That’s what I need – sign me up!”

From the start, Telva elicited a big change in Lulu. Telva was amicable and over-articulated, speaking to Lulu not just clearly, but in a very organized way. She would bring a book or toy and say, “This book is Yellow and Yummy. Do you want to read Yellow and Yummy?” And she would guide Lulu to say, “Yes, I want to read Yellow and Yummy.”

I began to mirror what Telva was modeling and saw a vast improvement in Lulu’s relationship with me and with her two brothers. She was now saying more words than expected for her age!

But not all of the positive changes had to do with Lulu’s verbalizing. The Child Center has a truly holistic approach, and Telva’s assistance went beyond helping Lulu to talk; she looked at what else was going on, with Lulu and with our whole family.

With Lulu, she helped me discipline in a way that led to less frustration for us both – specifically, she helped me use redirecting as tool, and to hold Lulu accountable for her actions with consequences. I learned to not dwell on the negative, because if I did, Lulu would stay there. Instead, I could say, “I don’t like that choice, would you please do this” — and offer her an alternative.

For our whole family, Telva recommended The Child Center’s Woodside Clinic, where we got individual and family therapy. Our therapist helped me deal with my frustrations and be more consistent in my parenting; I can be a little flaky, but she helped me see how that bred inconsistency in my home, and how a few changes could improve that. She helped empower my kids with language skills to express their feelings, instead of having a tantrum.

We graduated from PCHP in the spring, and I left feeling confident that I have tools in my arsenal to deal with all sorts of challenges.

It’s not easy in the beginning to have someone come into your home, but Telva wasn’t judgmental; she didn’t come in wagging her finger. She just came with energy and a fresh pair of eyes, which was a great benefit, because sometimes you’re too close to something, and your frustration prohibits you from seeing the possible outcomes — all you see is the negative. But Telva helped me gain an understanding of Lulu that helped me parent her effectively. I don’t think I would have gotten there as quickly or fully without her.

I’m glad The Child Center helped me make changes — and to see that change was possible in the first place.

Murlisa’s Story

June 5, 2017 | Leave a reply

Murlisa (left) with another DREAM Factory member at the DYCD Young Citizens Conference

“You can do anything you put your mind to,” they said on orientation day at Aspirations Diploma Plus High School, on the border of Brownsville and East New York, Brooklyn. I thought they were just saying that because they had to, but on the first day of school, stepping into the building, I felt love and support. I learned that day that this school was meant for me.

Being new to the school gave me a lot of advantages, such as having a peer leader assigned to me. Having a peer leader gave me someone to talk to and made me feel more comfortable. I also had a youth advocate who pushed me to become a better young adult than who I came in as.

In my second trimester I, myself, was nominated to be a peer leader, based on my grades, attendance, and involvement in the school community. Upon my arrival in the peer leader program, the senior leaders were unveiling their first-ever legacy project. Our advisor, Xavier Bishop, told us that as peer leaders, we were joining up with other groups in the school, including the music and poetry studio, dance and step team, women’s group, and men’s group, to form the DREAM Factory.

The purpose of the DREAM Factory is for young people like us to build our legacy as leaders in the school and community using platforms such as dance, music, poetry, and film. The DREAM acronym comes from our principal, Ms. Fleming; it stands for Driven to Reach Every Academic Milestone. We got the name “DREAM Factory” from the fact that we were making dreams come true and guiding young people — like ourselves — to not be afraid to use our hidden talents.

We decided that we were going to make our legacy project about sexual health, because it was something we felt wasn’t commonly spoken about among our peers. We didn’t have the information we thought we had and were not well-informed about the emotional, mental, and physical impact of sex. We decided that we would catch our peers’ attention by writing songs from both a girls’ and boys’ perspective on sexual health, and recording music videos for each song. We put together a proposal to get the project approved by school administration.

Before we started telling our peers about sex, we thought we should see what they already knew. We designed a survey to help determine what we were going to focus on. To create the survey, we did a lot of research and got help from Jason Tucker, a sexual health educator from the clinic down the block. We asked six questions anonymously that would show us where our peers were regarding sexual health. We gave the survey out to a sample of 44 members of our student population. After getting the surveys back, we knew what topics we were going to base our film and music videos on.

In about three weeks we had completed the lyrics for our girls’ song, “You Wanted to Know,” about fighting the peer pressure to have unprotected sex. I wrote a poem that continued the story of someone struggling to make healthy decisions about sex, called “Delilah,” with sex personified:

“…
Drip drip rain drops,
that thrustful hunger
Your goddess is calling
Go steal her thunder.
But lightning is coming,
You don’t wanna get burned
By her fire.
…”

During this process my way with words was enhanced. Helping to write the song opened me up to a world I have never been in, besides in my head. It showed me that I shouldn’t limit my thoughts when I’m writing.

A few months passed; the girls’ song and video were recorded and we were now working on the boys’ song. The boys worked their magic, created the lyrics, and laid it down in the booth. A couple weeks later, the boys recorded their music video for their song, “Shouldn’t Have Trusted It (Whoa).” In the weeks to come, we also wrapped up a behind-the-scenes documentary.

During this process, we learned our project had been chosen by the NYC Department of Youth and Community Development (DYCD), along with other young people’s projects, to be presented at the DYCD Young Citizens Conference on Saturday, May 13th, at John Jay College. As a part of the conference preparation, Mr. Xavier took us to a professional development training for youth facilitators. At the training, I met members of the Mayor’s Youth Leadership Council who opened my eyes to the conflicts and struggles not only in my life but facing many young adults around me. It showed me that as a group, when we join together as young people, we can make a difference in our communities. I also learned a lot about how, as a facilitator, I need to be able to guide my audience to what I need them to know without teaching them.

As we were planning our agenda for the conference, we dished out a lot of what we learned during the project. I’m not just talking about the facts regarding sexual health, but what we had learned as a team and individually, such as not feeling at fault with our mistakes but embracing them to use them to get to another level and to be able to talk about them so other people can learn from our experiences. At this point I saw the growth I didn’t see before while we were doing the different sections of the project.

On the day of the presentation everything was falling apart. My co-facilitator, Jamie Barnett, and I were up half of the night tying up the last loose ends, almost all of our facilitators for the day had not gotten any sleep, and some were missing or late so we had to substitute a lot of things in our plan. We were scared out of our minds, especially me, but after a while we were not afraid as much and, when the day had come to an end, we realized that we had so much fun at the conference and during the entire project.

I have learned so much from this experience that changed me as an individual, maturity-wise. Doing this project opened up a whole new world to me that I didn’t know existed for a young person like me, who grew up in the ghetto and didn’t really have much. Many of us grew up poor, misguided, mistreated, and didn’t have the opportunity to show people our true potential. I still wonder, how far does our voice really go and what are the effects of us making noise for what we want or what we need? I may never know for sure, but to try to find out, I applied to join the Mayor’s Youth Council to help give a voice to the voiceless.

A lot of teenagers my age are still looking for themselves, but I’m proud to say I found myself while working on this project. I am Murlisa Germain, I am a poet, I am a public speaker, I am an advocate, I am an activist, and I’m proud to be a part of the Aspirations Diploma Plus High School DREAM Factory, where you find family to build your dreams and your dreams come true. If there’s one thing I carried away from this year it would be: “You can do anything you put your mind to.”